I still remember that day. It sometimes feels like yesterday and some days it feels like a century ago, but that moment, that day, is vivid in my mind. The day when I realised my child, my precious baby may have autism.It was confirmed a few days later by his doctor. Then the journey commenced: there was no time to bemoan the dreams that I had weaved for my baby, the hopes of a bright and resplendent future. There was no evocation of pain or the luxury of falling apart or crying hysterically. It felt so unfair: why me??? I kept thinking. But there is no answer to that question.

With autism, one treads shyly, not divulging to everyone, not announcing it on social media. When autism knocked on our doors, we just had to accept it in and learn to deal with this new guest. There was no time to process the pain, because with autism time is of the essence.

We started everything with a throbbing urgency. We began with therapy, read books, found therapists specialising in OT, speech, behaviour therapy…It was all crazy, busy, chaotic and very scary. There were moments of strength, when I thought I can do this, I will do it and I will do my absolute best. These were moments that sustained me in moments of panic and pain. There was paucity of support, empathy and help. Being private, and conventional, we decided not to tell people. Thus, I had some people asking me if I didn’t speak to my child enough, that’s why he is not talking? Did I not nurse him enough? Did I not play with him enough? My vulnerability was so intense that I believed these people and berated myself for the autism.

Soon though, I got over that and plunged into the what I could do for my child. It was a gruelling schedule of ABA therapy, speech, OT, PT, play groups, group therapy, talk therapy…the list is endless. Along the way, we also went to chiropractors, holistic doctors, hoping for a cure. There was none.

Autism affects everyone differently; some children seem to transcend some of the more obvious symptoms. But most people never outgrow it. My journey required me to be my child’s voice, my child’s advocate, speak up for him when he was unable to, confront his bullies and teach him about bullying, aggression, trust, perspective taking, surviving in this world, seeking happiness, and friendships. It has been a journey replete with joys, pains, lots and lots of tiredness but I wouldn’t trade my child for anything.

Along the way, I also found my inner strength, understood that with great pain comes great opportunity to grow, to learn, and to have the desire to actively seek happiness. I think because I experienced so much pain, I try to embrace all my beautiful moments, I feel gratitude for all my blessings and for all my loved ones. My advice for parents starting this journey is to seek support and help. Work diligently with your child, be their voice and their advocate, but also teach them to find their own voice and become their own advocates. Also, parents, find someone who can hold your hand, who you can cry with, who can be your counsel, someone who can be your voice of reason when you are overwhelmed. But if there is nobody, as sometimes is the case, find strength within. And always, always be grateful…God bless

I am the father of a beautiful, brilliant and loving child.  He was diagnosed with autism at an early age and as parents we went through all the usual initial emotions of guilt, helplessness, thinking about his future, feeling sorry for ourselves and the child.  We blamed anyone and everyone we could: the nanny, the Montessori, karma, maybe the result of an unkind deed I had done in the past?

I refused to accept what it actually meant and couldn’t confront the diagnosis for several years. Surely his lit up eyes, unconditional love, best hugs, kisses and smiles in the world and rock solid determination to learn and adapt meant the diagnosis was wrong? It wasn’t. My thinking that it was wrong was mostly because of my own misconceptions about autism.

I worry about his future as an independent adult as his view of life is overly simplistic for today’s world but that also drives his mother and I to work on things he is good at.  The logic being that we need to get him better at the things he’s good at which will help his confidence and to interact with other children (which he really wants to do).  With our love and his own self-determination I hope and pray that he will have the best future.