I am getting old. My hormonal imbalance and my extra sensitive nature are making it hard for me to live a happy life.
Happiness is already very rare in the life of a special needs parent. You either need to have an iron heart, or become a true angel whose heart is free of worldly desires and wishes, which is impossible I guess.
When I look around, half of the children I see are of my son’s age. No matter how hard I try to relate to their lives and their lifestyles, the differences hit me really hard. I become even more sensitive and more heartbroken.
When these typically developing children play with their gadgets and talk in their carefree ways, my heart skips a beat; all I witness at home are the rattles and sounds of the chewable toys of my 13-year old child.
My son’s wardrobe is always managed with perfection and all his clothes are hung in the same combination Ithat chose to make. I know that he will never argue with me that this shirt is not matching with that pair of shorts, or that he is unable to find his money. Neither will I ever see any suspicious telephone number in my son’s pocket.
Likewise, I will never be able to guess what his favourite colour is, what sports bike he likes, or if he is a fan of cricket or football. He will never be able to play video games like PUBG or be able to argue with me that he wants to opt for the computer field or the engineering field as a career.
Neither will I get a chance to have a look for his future bride or have a strong argument with him if he wants to get married by his own choice.
I will never be able to threaten my husband that I have my son with me or I don’t need his love when my son loves me way more than him.
And that fear of leaving my son behind to an unknown future; unknown people and unknown places, without all the comforts of home and all; the luxuries we provide for him in our limited budget to keep him safe from everything down to the harsh weathers.
How can I tell those unknown folks that:
He likes to eat small bites and that if he is fed with bigger bites he will immediately have hiccups.
In the summers, my son loves to bathe many times a day. He can’t go to sleep without a proper dress change and a proper cleaning.
He is so sensitive that he can’t have a single food particle on his face; he will immediately wipe it with his shirt’s sleeves.
Only I know that he loves to eat vanilla flavoured yogurt and chapati with low spiced vegetables.
My son can’t wear shirts with a logo on their back or any fabric which is not pure cotton.
Sometimes I have kept weeping in my entire prayers and have prayed hard to Allah, “Please don’t put my son in any further hardship. Please Allah make my son’s life comfortable after I am gone and make his death easier too.” Although his life will be totally alone after us [his parents], yet there is hope that this world has some good-hearted people too.
In the end I request all of you people with your normal lives and lifestyles to please make the lives of parents of special needs children a bit comfortable. You can’t even imagine how hard it is for them to survive every microsecond of their life. Love them and respect them.
Stay blessed.
With lots of love and prayers.
Sonia Kanwal [in her own words] was an ordinary woman before becoming a mother of a special needs child. She waited for her son for 9 years, and after his birth her perspective of life, love and patience changed completely. Her son is blind, nonverbal, and has autism Although she has gone through many challenges for the past 13 years but never doubted her power of motherhood.
